"My Boy Builds Coffins"

Hello there, Reader! Tired of tossing and turning in bed at night? Bored with traditional open-air beds, but find yourself at a loss of what to do about it? Wishing for a sleep so nice that it seems it could go on "eternally"? Well, then! Have I got a solution for YOU!

Build a coffin!

Rest In Peace. Every night.

Okay. So. Now that's that is out there, and you're face is all O.O, allow me to explain. (Did you see that? That was what we call an "Attention Grabber.")

AWESOME CHRISTINE and I watched a movie last night, and then hung out for a while, and I was all, "Y'know, I've secretly always wanted a coffin for a bed...isn't that really weird?" And she was all, "Srsly?...OMGMETOO!!" So I was like, "... ... ... Do you wanna help me build one before you move away and I never see you again??" And she was like, "Um, yes."

So we stayed up until three in the morning drawing plans and making lists of all the supplies we need. I got paid a bonus on my paycheck this week for Holiday pay, and decided that the extra money should definitely be used on this venture. So today, after I cashed my check, I took that extra money with me. We bought three huge sheets of ply-wood (and we were super picky because some of it was really knotty, which is like "naughty" but different), nails, Gorilla glue (which is definitely not recommended for use on actual Gorillas, if you like your face as it is), this really nice deep-burgundy satin, padding, and tacos. The tacos, however, are completely unrelated here.

Then we drove an hour to AWESOME CHRISTINE'S house to steal borrow the necessary tools. We couldn't find a real hammer to drive the nails, so we decided to improvise. (sledge hammer...) Still haven't got a sewing machine for piecing the fabric together, but we'll figure that out later.

In case you're wondering, "What the HELLLL is he planning on doing with a coffin!?" allow me to help you. Said coffin, in all of it's cushion-y wonderfulness, is going to be replacing my bed, because I've secretly always wanted a coffin. In fact, there were plans last year to build one, but they kinda sorta fell through, and now, finally, the plans are coming to fruition. And yes, pictures WILL be posted when the coffin is done. Right now, it's just a pile of wood with marker lines drawn all over it.

Anywho, that's pretty much all the interesting new fun stuff in my world right now. Oh, except for we gotted a kitteh, named Christine, because she's got a Phantom of the Opera mask-shaped patch of fur on the right side of her cute little non-deformed face.

Also, I'm totally skipping the whole "I should probably edit this post for clarity" thing, because I'm lazy tonight. Buh-bye!!

Concert...and the Trouble I Went Through To Get There

Today was brilliant. I'm just throwing that out there to start off. It's my "Attention Grabber," if you will. I'm hoping it makes the rest of this post sound nearly as exciting as it really is. :D

I started off my day by staying up until 5am. You may be wondering why. Oddly enough, I'm wondering the same thing. I was pretty excited to have tickets to see Stellar Kart and Seventh Day Slumber. Kiros was supposed to be there, too. I didn't really know who they were, and they ended up not being there for some reason.

Crawled out of bed a little bit after 3:00 in the afternoon. I tried to see if a few more people wanted to come to the concert, but, having no such luck, resigned to the idea of going by myself. I was NOT going to miss this!! I got ready for work and shoved a pair of jeans and an overshirt into my (awesome) green backpack and bounced merrily out the door with a cup of yogurt in my hands.

I worked from 4:30 to 6:00, ran into the bathroom there and changed and pretty much floated out to my car. It was at this point that I realized that it was about 6:15, and I still had no idea where I was actually going or how long it would take to get there. Fortunately, high class restaurants offer free wi-fi. I sat in the parking lot of the KFC next door and Googled a map. 35 minutes. From my house. I was about twenty minutes further than that.

"Okay. I need... Oh. I need a comb. Badly." There was no comb in my car. Run to Wal-Mart. Left Wal-Mart with two combs (You never know when you'll need back-up) and a Monster (because this Wal-Mart apparently doesn't carry Rockstar. Ew.) at lightning speed at approximately 4:30.

Twenty minutes later...and I'm lost. By this time, I'm on the phone with Devon, and I'm sure she thought my complete and total lack of planning in the Navigation Department was hilarious. I land myself in some dinky little town next to a large, gold SUV. Their windows were down.

Me: Hey. Quick question.
Driver: Yo, what's up?
Me: What town am I in, and how do I get to Kansas City? o.O
Driver: Get behind me and follow us. We headed that way.

Normally, this screams "DANGER: This person is going to lead you to an empty field and leave you for dead." This time, though, they actually took me exactly where I needed to be. I found the highway and was on my way again.

Only to get lost a second time, about five minutes later. Time: 7:04. Place: Kansas City International Airport's Marriot Hotel. ...how did I get here!? I had no idea, but I ran inside anyway, past a huge bus that was unloading a bunch of luggage. All I could think was, "I really need to get into that lobby to the desk before all of them do..." I made it. Barely.

Me: I'm lost.
Clerk: Okay. Where are you headed.
Me: This address. -hands over concert ticket-
Clerk: -prints out directions- You're only about ten minutes away.
Lady Behind Me: It's only about 7:00 now. You can make it!
Me: -swift walk out the door-

Anyway, I got there at about 7:15. I was hugged by the lady (Ashley) who gave me the ticket. She then took me into the auditorium and...over to the VIP seating area. I pretty much died. Front row, just SL of the stage. Not that I sit during any concert.

Stellar Kart was amazing. Like...brilliant. There was fist-pumping, headbanging...pretty much everything I love in a concert. And they were funny. Like...really funny. :D Between sets, I hit up their stand in the lobby and got a poster (which I had them autograph) and an armband. Yes, I splurged a little...I'm not ashamed. Oh, and also, this:

This was incredibly cool. Like...it's my profile pic on Facebook. That's how cool I thought it was. :D Ashley came over and kinda told them how I'd gotten the tickets after my little "Oh my gosh, I'm ringing up Stellar Kart's groceries!" thing...which totally happened. I'm definitely a fan of their music, and by sheer chance, the lady buying the water for their concert was in my check-out line. You'd freak out a little bit, too, I bet! 

I also checked out Seventh Day Slumber's stand, but didn't plan ahead, so I couldn't get anything. 

Between sets, there was a give away of a few things. I got a Switchfoot's "Hello Hurricane" album. And then Seventh Day Slumber came on. I managed to snap a few pictures of them, but the lighting made it a little difficult to do without flash, but the lighting was so cool I didn't really want to use flash. Flash pretty much always ruins live performances...

Joseph Rojas had...a pretty much amazing testimony to give. It really reminded me a lot of ConsuME, which I miss. I miss being on-stage doing worship. Okay. I wasn't on-stage at this concert, but I was really, really close to it. 

That grey bar there marks the first step of the stage. I was really, really close to the whole concert. The concert was...a blast. A really big blessing, and something I needed badly. The way these tickets came about and how perfectly everything came together was really, really cool.

I had to leave right after Seventh Day Slumber finished playing, because it was about 10:30 already, and I was afraid of getting lost on the way home. Which I did. I ended up on the other side of Liberty, Missouri. Twice. The 35 minute drive took two hours.

Today was awesome. Thanks, Ashley, for the tickets, and thanks to Stellar Kart and SDS for being there and just being awesome in general! God bless! :D

Most. Epic. Day. ...just sayin'.

So, earlier today, I posted "Today is pretty much the best day ever" as my Facebook status. Now, I'm here to tell you why.

Okay, so the last few days of my life have been a little bit stressful. Not gonna lie. Between money, missing friends from Branson, and just general little things that tend to cause small amounts of stress, as well as being surrounded by people who are stressed, I've been kinda moody. Not really moody. Just kinda "If I could get away with hitting you..." moody.

Today, though, was good. Nope. It was great. No, no, no. Fantastic. ...y'know what? Pick a positive adjective, and it was that. :D I woke up this morning and stared groggily around my disaster of a room before calling a few pawn shops. See, I've been trying to get rid of my PS2 for some time now. The problem is, pawn shops don't take them, because they're basically obsolete... Fortunately, I discovered the local GameStop. Sure, they really don't give you much, but it's more than the pawn shops.

Then I went to work. I thought I was going to be late, because I left GameStop at 11:41, and I had to be at work at 12:00, and it's about a twenty minute drive, and I still had to change when I got there. I got there and clocked in at exactly 12:00. It was beautiful. I cried many tears of joy. Not really.

Then, (and this is where it gets good) this lady came through my check-out lane. She was buying some stuff for "this concert we're doing." Of course, I love music. I love concerts.

Me: Yeah, what concert?
Lady: Stellar Kart and Seventh Day Slumber at Rock of KC.
Me: -bouncing- Oh my goooosh! I love them! I didn't know they were coming!
Lady: You didn't?
Me: No! It's tomorrow night?
Lady: Yep. You should come.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm working.
Lady: Well, you should still put it on Facebook and let people know it's happening.
Me: Okay! I will!
Lady: I'll grab you a flyer and bring it back in.

Okay. Lady leaves. Five minutes later, she comes back with a flyer. "Here's the flyer. Oh, and here's two tickets in case you can make it." Pretty sure my jaw hit the floor. Yep.

Then I realized...I worked. :( But I asked a manager, and a schedule change was made, and tomorrow night I'm going to see Stellar Kart and Seventh Day Slumber and I'm so freakin' happy!!

I spent the next three hours of my shift in a state of ecstasy. Oh, yeah. It was pretty fantastic.

Yeah. That was my day. :D :D :D

Libraries and Assassination (Unrelated Topics, FYI)

Libraries are my favorite. Seriously.

I know a lot of people find stacks upon stacks of books to be completely boring, but I have to disagree. Sometimes, I have a pre-set subject I want to kinda research and look into, but not today. Oh, no. Today is the day of "Let's Go to the Library and Grab Whatever Looks Fun." So that's kinda what I did.

Thus far (and I still have more than an hour left to peruse), I've picked up The Amityville Horror, Handwriting Analysis, The Complete Spanish Grammar Review, Multicultural Cookbook for Students, Why Do Men Have Nipples: Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini (which I picked up just because one of my roommates saw the book on Amazon and thought it was hilarious and almost ordered it), and a few pretty random DVDs.

At the moment, it looks like I might be learning how to prepare a dish for a Mexican family in a haunted house while wearing nothing but underwear. o.O The best part is, I'm still not done finding books. It's just gonna get more interesting! Hehe...

In other news, last night it was announced that Osama bin Laden has been killed. There was a huge gathering in New York at the site of the WTC when the news was given to us. Following is my thoughts:

I refuse to celebrate the death of any man. I find it cruel and unwarranted, regardless of the crimes he committed, masterminded, and was involved with. I find the celebration of death to be barbaric and infantile, and you can pretty much quote me on that. That said, I can rejoice, however, that justice has finally been done, albeit ten years later, for the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. I'm relieved to know that he, himself, is no longer a threat to us or to anyone else in the world, despite the fact that I'd have preferred to have him captured and imprisoned for life.

Ezekiel 33:11 - "As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live."

Okay. I'm done writing. There are at least twenty more shelves I haven't so much as glanced at! Buh-bye!! :D

Spontaneity (And How It's Hard to Find Sometimes)

I need a road trip. Travelling is probably one of my favorite ways to pass the time, and I tend to get to do quite a bit of it. Whether it's going to see my family, or just going somewhere to be with someone, it's one of those things I get a little thrill out of every time. I like stepping into the car and closing the door and knowing that I'm headed somewhere, and I'm not rushed to get there.

I like travelling a lot. Almost as much as I like Dunkin' Donuts. However, I don't like...tourism. One of the things that I can't stand when travelling is having a set itinerary. "At 7:45, breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts. 8am, leave Dunkin' Donuts. 8:30am, Arrive at Titanic Museum." Gag me.

I don't mind seeing the sites that everybody absolutely must see. Don't get me wrong. I love the view from the "Top of the Rock" at Rockefeller Plaza, and there's something undeniably cool about the Gateway Arch. But I like walking down the sidestreets, places that you really only see locals. I like jumping on the subway when the rest of the group goes shopping on 5th Avenue so that I can hang out outside the Blue Note Jazz club and push my ear up to the window with some drunken homeless guy. (That, by the way, is a true story.) I feel like you miss out on what makes an awesome place so awesome when you only experience the same stuff you can see on just about every movie that takes place any given city.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with a bit of that. I pretty much "Squee" every time I see a picture of the Majestic Theatre in New York, and I get a sense of wonder when I think about the Grand Canyon. (Although aside from the Grand Canyon...there's not really all that much to see at the Grand Canyon.)

That being said, I need to plan a road trip. I'm thinking about Branson, Missouri. I lived there for a couple years recently, and I have a lot of good friends still there. It's been a while, though, and I feel the urge to get back into my car and take off for it. It's one of those rare places that I actually felt at home. :) But you can be certain you won't see me in the house of the Baldknobbers' Theatre or careening down a slide at White Water (although, if it can be managed, you might find me at Silver Dollar City for an hour or two...).

The point is, Peticus needs a touch of spontaneity here. So, expect to hear about me travelling somewhere at some point in the next month or two. :D

This Post Contains T.M.I.

Initial Statement: I'm not a girl.

Expansion on Initial Statement: I'm glad I'm not a girl.

Explanation of Initial Statement and Expansion Thereof: To be explained in this blog entry! :-D

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I have come to the conclusion that being a guy is just...well, it's easier. Why, you ask? Well, I'm so glad you asked. I'm going to take the time out of my busy, busy schedule (As in, I'm sitting here at the laundromat, bored out of my mind, and watching the rinse cycle just isn't amusing anymore...) and tell you a little story.

The other night, I was sitting at home with my roommates. As roommates are wont to do, we were talking. The girls started talking about their teachers, which I was totally left out of, because I didn't go to their school. Anyway, Roommate K said: "One of my teachers always talked about how he was on the swim team." This led into the fact that, when on a swim team, you shave. Everything. Your stomach, your back, and your legs, at least. "He used to tell us, at least every year, that every guy needs to shave their legs at least one time in their life. He'd say that you shave your legs, and then you crawl into nice, clean sheets, and it's literally the best feeling in the world."

Folks, I'm not stupid. But I'm not necessarily the brightest bulb in Home Depot. While she's talking, all I can think is, I wanna feel the best feeling in the world!! So of course, I pipe up: "I wanna try this!"

After a few moments of blank staring, we all go upstairs. I'm going to spare you a lot of the details, because frankly, you don't care, and I feel like it's borderline T.M.I.  You don't want to know about how I used an electric razor to get the hair really, really short first, then how I used a razor and shaved every inch of my legs, from ankle to upper thigh. These aren't details you need. ...wait...oh well.

Anyway, so I shaved my legs. It was weird. At first, they were hyper-sensitive. Everything kinda felt like a small electrical shock. I put my pajama bottoms on, and they drove me crazy, so I changed into shorts, which was still strange, but not as strange.

By now, you're thinking, "Yeah, all of this sounds pretty normal for when somebody shaves their legs for the first time." You haven't let me finish, though.

I woke up the next day. Went to work. About halfway through my workday, I start to itch. "This is normal," I convince myself. I get home, and I step into the shower, and my face does this:

"HOLY CRAP!"

I feel like I've just stepped into a very large swarm of angry fire ants and killer bees, who have teamed up to conquer and destroy a common enemy: my legs.

It feels like I'm on fire. The teeny tiny little particles of my leg hair apparently stood on end and saluted the worst case of razor burn in the history of shaving. My legs were covered in little tiny red bumps from top to bottom, front and back. I opened my mouth and said some rather obscene things, and waited for the pain to stop.

The heat of the shower helped...until I stepped out of the shower. For the next three days, my legs basically caught fire every time there was contact with clothing, or a small temperature change, or I yawned, or there was a breeze, or...pretty much anything you can think of. I tried lotion, I tried washing them more frequently, I tried ice packs; nothing work, nothing helped. If that's what Hell feels like, I'm so glad I'm Heaven-bound.

Anyway, the hair is growing back just fine now, in case you were wondering. I've learned my lesson, though, and I will never shave my legs again! -shudder- 

Things -Not- To Do In My Checkout Line

A Comprehensive Guide for the Common Fool Shopper

1. Do not tell me things about my job. I may look confused at the mango in my hand, but trust me: I know that it is a mango. I don't care how much it costs, I just care about punching in the number on the sticker. If I can't find the sticker, I will have to look up the number on the register. Have some patience, okay? (Fun Fact: The most common PLU number for mangoes is 4051...)
2. Don't tell me what a hurry you're in. I'm kind of asinine. When you inform me that you're in a huge hurry, my speed will slowly decrease. Intentionally. I won't say anything about it...but still.
3. Don't talk on the phone in my line. I won't talk to you. "Paper or plastic?" No. You'll get what we give you. If you try to multi-task and talk to me and the phone, you may rest assured that I will talk louder than whoever is on the phone. Not obnoxiously loud enough to seem rude, but loud enough that you'll be forced to keep asking the person on the line to repeat themselves. 
4. Don't answer your phone in my line. Seriously? See #3.
5. Smile. The first thing I do when you step up to my register is smile. I like it when you smile back. It makes me feel important, and, believe it or not, I am a rather crucial step to you leaving with the ingredients you need to make your lemon meringue pie. I'm very grateful to you for coming through my line; I like people, and I show it. So please smile, and make me feel good about helping you.
6. Feel free to call me by name. I have a nametag, and I secretly love it when people notice it. 
7. Strike up conversation. Guess what? I am interested. I love people; I love hearing their opinions and thoughts and finding out what makes them tick. I'll talk to you, too. It'll be fun!

Okay. I know it seems like it, but I'm not a horrible person. I just like common courtesy and respect, y'know? You'd be probably very surprised by how much of that you don't get as a cashier. I ask for two to three minutes to help you out of the store, that's it. Put your phone away and, if you must plaster it on, plaster on a smile. If you're having a genuinely bad day and simply can't, don't take it on me.

Like, the other day, I had stepped over to another register to discuss a schedule change with somebody and to buy a water. While I was away, a gentleman came up to my register. He waited no more than 15 seconds, I know. When I got to the register and smiled and greeted him, he kinda just stared. I was like "...okay..." and finished ringing up his items and sacked them. I asked him if he had his discount card with him.

Me: Do you have your shopper card today?

Guy: No, but I'm sure you do.

Me: Well, yes, I do have mine, but I'm afraid I can't let customers use it.

Guy: And why's that?

Me: Company policy. (gestures at sign about cards and policy and stuff) I can look up your card by phone number?

Guy: I don't have time for that. First, I had to wait for you to come over here and now you're telling me I can't use your card?

Me: Yes, I'm sorry.

Guy: That's bullsh*t. Total bullsh*t.

Said guy angrily storms over to customer service. Apparently, he had time to fill out the form for a new card and get it registered. Then he came back and yelled at me about it again, shoved his cart pretty hard into the middle of the lobby (not walked with it, shoved it on it's own...) and stormed out.

Common. Courtesy.

Overall, I love my job, by the way. Just sayin'.

Okay. So. I have this fun idea. Let me know what you think, okay? I want to start doing short interviews with random people. I'm thinking maybe people in nursing homes who don't really have family. Then posting the interviews here. Sound good? Lemme know.